Barely Scientific
by SmoothAssassin
Summary: Bella is a glutten for punishment and it shows when she falls in love with someone she can never have. She can't have him not because he is a vampire or some other magical creature, but because he doesn't want her. Right personality, all the wrong parts.
1. Malchik Gay

_No one that I know of have done this story yet so I'm going to go ahead and claim the plot. I do not own the characters though they belong to Steph. Meyers.  
>Sorry if it's really OOC. <em>

Hearing the screeching sound of my alarm clock going off I stumbled from my bed. My tired brain tried to convince me that my time would be better spent sleeping for another hour or so, but I knew at some small level that I would regret giving into that desire. Like a drunk just coming home from the tavern I made my way to the bathroom so that I could take a shower. After missing the doorway and knocking my brains out onto the floor and suffering an intense pain for several minutes; I got in and the warmth of the water didn't help to wake my still slumbering limbs.

I observed that it was indeed raining cats and dogs, much like every other day here in Forks, Washington, and sighed. I skipped right over putting on makeup, or doing my hair (not like I ever really did either of those things) and walked towards the bus stop. Gas is way too pricey these days to not except a free ride. Oh and a hundred fifty bucks for a parking space? Please, they must be joking.

Today is my first day as a junior at Forks High... I feel old.

By the time the bus arrived I probably looked like a drowned sewer rat. It isn't like I go to any great lengths to look good so it wouldn't be that big of an ordeal if it wasn't so humid in the school. Wet clothes and sticky air are the most horrible combination ever.

I ran inside the building when I exited the bus (not like it would make a difference) to avoid more rain.

The day seemed to pass fairly quick and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Apparently there were a couple new kids. They were in for a lot of harassment (at the time I had no idea just how much) considering nothing interesting ever happened here in the land of nobody-has-ever-heard-of-it Forks. Lunch time had rolled around and I only had one class left after this. I pulled the book I had chosen from my teacher's shelf, for our project on a choice novel in English class, and began reading it.

Out of my peripheral I got a glimpse of a god walking among men. I turned my head fully to get a good view of him, at the moment not caring if he caught me staring, and saw that my short glimpse did him absolutely no justice. His hair was a bronze tornado that made his emerald green eyes stand out and his skin seemed to be free of blemishes of any kind. He wore a tight, green, long-sleeved shirt that matched the color of his eyes and loose, black sweat pants with a pair of black, high-top converse.

There was another beautiful, blond male standing next to him. They seemed to be searching for a place to sit. Each guy went a their own way after having a short, angry conversation. The angry, annoyed expression on the god's face made me want to go ask what was wrong, but then I remembered that it was none of my business.

When he started toward my table I thought I was going to have a heart attack. He finally made it over and I was paralyzed by his mere presence. He asked nicely if he could sit at my table with me and I became confused. There was no way this guy was a loner like me. The way he avoided eye contact with anyone else in the room and tried to blend into the background said otherwise.

_That is how I met Edward Masen Jr._

Months went by and we found that we had quite a bit in common. We both loved classical music, reading and silence. Neither of us ever felt the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter. It wasn't long before my feelings seemed to change from just a simple crush to something more. I had fallen in love with Edward, my mysterious and beautiful...friend.

Tonight we had plans to study for the biology test coming up and I planned to tell Edward about my feelings for him. His parents weren't supposed to be home so maybe if he feels the same way we could get to know each other... in that way. I tried not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help it. This was the first time I had ever felt this way about anyone.

I practically danced to the front door of the impressive, two story house Edward lived in. I knocked and when no one came to the door I tried the door handle and found the door was open. After stepping inside and putting my stuff down I heard a thump and heavy panting. Immediatly I ran toward the noise thinking that Edward had fallen and hurt himself.

_What I should've done when no one answered the door is walked away and rescheduled our study session but that isn't what I did._

Soon I was outside Edward's room and pushing his door open in a hurry to see if he was okay. What I saw I will never forget. Edward's six foot four frame was hovering over a shorter boy maybe a year younger than us. He was screwing the smaller boy straight into the mattress and sucking on his neck. The smaller boy had his legs over Edward's shoulders and was moaning and clawing at the black sheets. I finally recognized the small boy as Alec Voltouri, a rich, freshman boy that went to our school.

Tears stung the back of my eyes as I left. Neither one of them had ever noticed that I had been standing there witnessing what they were doing. Running to my car after grabbing my stuff I hopped in and tore out of the driveway. I was going too fast and I knew it, but I didn't feel like slowing down even though I couldn't see a thing with all the tears in my eyes and rain on my windshield. Red and blue lights were flashing behind me... Charlie?

Before I knew it I was hydroplaning and I had lost complete control. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as my truck sped off the road and straight toward a large tree. I tried turning into the skid, but it was too late.

_I can't believe it's over... _

**_Please Review! Tell me what your thoughts are! It makes me write more! If no one is interested enough in my story to review it then why should I be interested enough to write it? Thank you for reading this! Oh and though it may seem to be finished I am far from done with this story!_**


	2. White Light

**Twilight characters belong to Steph. Meyers but the plot is mine! MWaha!**

The sun was shining directly into my face and I was beginning to get annoyed. Could the world not see that I was trying to sleep off a large dose of heart break? Apparently not because the sun went on shining and the birds went on chirping.

Finally, I came to terms with the fact that the world was not going to leave me in peace. I opened my eyes and wondered why I had not thought further on the fact that the sun was beating down on me and practically roasting me alive... in Forks, Washington. As it turns out it was not the sun that was beating down on me and forcing me into the waking world. The intense light came from the bright lights in the ceiling of the room I was in.

Panic began to set in. Where am I? Quickly I jerked into a sitting position and had a black out moment from trying to move too fast. Once my vision returned I scanned the room for anything to indicate my location. The room was bereft of material items so I was unsuccessful in my search for the familiar. I tried standing but found that my left foot was chained to the only object in the room, a metal table that I was currently... laying on.

The last thing I remember is leaving Edward's house after I saw him with Alec and getting into my truck. What could have happened between now and then to have lead me here in some strangers home? What if they are crazy people that want to cut my face off and wear it like in _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_? Slowly I worked myself into a paralyzing state of fear. My imagination is a scary place.

All too soon I could hear the sound of footsteps nearing the door; I was prepared to be greeted by a psychotic man holding a chainsaw. I clamped my teeth together but besides that I was incapable of movement as my fear reached new heights. The door opened at a seemingly slow pace and a loud screeching noise (a.k.a. my screams) filled the area. I had myself so freaked out that I couldn't stop screaming even after realizing that the person looked like a life sized pixie and not a mad man.

The girls eyes were wide open in shock. I guess someone would be if they were greeted by screaming when they were probably expecting silence. A tall blonde man appeared in the door behind the pixie girl and suddenly I felt completely at ease and my screaming began to fade.

"Who are you!" I shouted.

"I'm Alice! And this is Jasper!" The pixie chirped.

They both continued to stare at me expectantly and I assumed that they wanted to know my name, but I still didn't trust them enough to give them any personal information. For all I knew they had kidnapped me.

"I'm so sorry! How rude of me! You must be so confused about what is going on right now!"

Before she could continue I interrupted her," What do you want from me? Why am I here?"

"Jasper and I are your guardian angels silly! We brought you here after that accident you had. I have never met anyone that comes into contact with more life threatening situations than you. That's why you have two guardian angels. Anyway you are also here to make a choice. Count yourself lucky because not many humans are afforded this opportunity. Since you were such a good girl in life you are being given the choice to either take your place in heaven or return to your life on earth," Alice said without stopping to breath.

I was in total shock. What accident? I was dead? Before I had time to work myself into another panic I registered the last bit of Alice's little speech. I was being given the choice between going to heaven and returning to Earth. What's the catch?

"The catch is," ah here it is," you can't have your old body back. It was way too damaged for me and Jasper to salvage. The good news is you get to choose what you look like!"

If I had been standing I would have needed to sit down on that one. I wasn't going to look the same?

"You would still be you of course," Jasper finally spoke.

"Look at it as a door opening to new possibilities," Alice smiled and winked at me.

"Your parents will not remember what you used to look like and any reminders will have been fixed toward how you look when you return," Reassured Jasper.

"Wow would you look at the time Bella! Make your decision quick!"

I had made my decision the moment they had told me I had a choice.

_A few hours back... _

Damn! Alec has a tight ass. The feel of his walls clenching down around my cock is fan-fucking-tastic. I haven't gotten laid since my family and I moved out here to bum-fuck nowhere (pun not intended). My parents moved us here on purpose. They think that just because this is a "God fearing" town that there wouldn't be anyone here for me to"fornicate" with as they like to say. This thought made me chuckle to myself mid-thrust.

Alec got whinny because he thought I was laughing at him. Our breathing became breathy. For a second I felt like someone was staring at me so I jerked around thinking I had been caught by one of my parents. They weren't supposed to be home until later. They had some kind of church function to go to. Thankfully there was no one there. I shrugged it off and assumed that I was only imagining things and continued to pound the pretty boy's ass into the bed.

Soon Alec was cumming all over his stomach and mine and I followed a few thrusts later. I ordered him to get out because my parents could be back at any moment. He quickly got his clothes on and left. Not too much time passed before I started to drift off to sleep... It crossed my mind momentarily that I was supposed to study for a biology test with Bella today and I felt kind of bad and decided to call her later and apologize.

**_In case someone didn't catch on that last bit was in Edward's POV._**


	3. Peek

**Once again I do not own Twilight Steph. Meyers does. My plot may resemble a few others on fanfiction according to one of the reviewers, but I do not think they will be exactly the same because sometimes I write from personal experience. If I do have any resemblances then they are entirely coincidental.I also want to give a huge thank you to everyone who gives my story a chance and reads it. Thank you also to anyone who reviewed. Some of this stuff like dying and anything supernatural obviously has never happened to me lol. **

A blinding white light glared at me from the clouds as I opened my eyes. I was afraid I would never get back home, but looking at the green of the surrounding forest I see that my worries were for naught. Everywhere I looked there was green and all that I had seen seemed to be like a far away vision. 'It must have been a dream' I chuckled lightly to myself. How and why did I now find myself in the woods though? There seemed to be large gaps in my memory.

As I pondered these things in a surprisingly calm way I caught a glimpse of something in the corner of my eye. Quickly my eyes shifted back to the thing. It was my truck! It had flipped over! I ran over to survey the damage and did not slip even though the ground was muddy. Broken glass lay on the ground and there were flames devouring interior... where I lay unconscious within the car. Blood ran down my face and my blank eyes stared out at me. The soulless shell that sat in the car took a few more labored breaths before becoming completely still and I knew then that I was witnessing my own death. Flames engulfed the entire front seat and began to lick at my still warm, but dead skin. When I finally decided that I had seen enough rain began to fall and washed away the image before me as if it were just a smudge on life's glass door.

The rain continued to fall even after the image had disappeared and chilled my skin. Without thinking, I ran in no particular direction. It is probably good that my running took me home and out of the downpour.

It wasn't a dream...

No one is home right now. In fact it seemed as though there was no one home in any of the other houses I had passed either.

My feet, which seemed slightly bigger than they used to be, were completely covered in mud. I wiped them off with a towel by the door. My mother would kill me if she saw that I had tracked mud through her living room. A shower was definitely in order.

On my run home I knew I had to be naked because I could feel the rain falling on my bear skin and I didn't want to look down and confirm what I already knew, but was afraid to be true. I stepped into the shower without glancing down and turned on the hot water. The water soothed my muscles and calmed me. Soon I began to soap up my body with the Irish soap that I found in the place of my old strawberry body wash. After washing everything but "it", which I still had yet to glance at, I began to lather some manly smelling shampoo into my hair.

A horrified look crossed my face when I began to feel a stir. I had heard of these! They are called NRB's (No Reason Boners). Panic overtook me for a few brief moments and my mind raced to come up with a way to get rid of my problem. Finally I decided to turn the cold water on. That should take care of that.

After my erection went away I finally came to the realization that I was being silly. I would have to look at it eventually, so it might as well be now. I put my hands over my eyes and cracked my fingers open and was shocked at my lack of freaking out at seeing my penis. It seemed somehow familiar to me. I began to wonder at my age when I saw that I only had a little bit of peach fuzz around the boys.

After wrapping a towel around my waist I headed toward my room. The silence was eerie even for Forks.

I opened the door and was greeted by blue walls, sheets and curtains. None of the shads matched. Dirty clothes had been thrown haphazardly all over the place. There was a television with a Play Station hooked up to it where the dinosaur of a computer used to be. On the shelves where there used to be books there were trophies. Apparently as a guy I am not clumsy at all. Some of the trophies were for basketball, some for baseball or soccer. There were posters of bands and athletes.

I went to my closet which had mirrors for doors and found that I was probably about eleven or twelve by the looks. I had thought that I would return to my life as a guy but the same age. A person would think all of these changes would overwhelm me and send me into a panic, but they all seemed so familiar to me. It was almost as if I really had been living eleven or twelve years with all of these things. My hair and eye color hadn't changed. I just looked like a male version of my former self.

I opened my closet and was greeted by Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Buckle, and a few T-shirts that were probably from Hot Topic because they had music artists' names on them. When I had been in this stage of life as a girl none of these name brands had been important to me. Come to think about it I hadn't really cared what I looked like when I was this age or even when I died. I obviously cared now. On a dresser that probably held pajamas and underwear sat some hair products (gel, hair spray) as well as a straightener, blow dryer and some kind of cologne.

I pulled out a dark blue Hollister shirt and some medium blue colored jeans on along with some black boxers. Then I styled my hair medium length hair by running my gel covered fingers through it and creating an array of artistic chaos.

The sun was rising outside. Huh, never noticed that it had been dark out. Suddenly an extremely obnoxious alarm started to play from a red cell phone laying on the dresser. Silencing the alarm and heading downstairs were at the top of my list of things to do.I tripped over a shoe in the middle of the room and my alarm continued to screech. There was a pounding on my door and a shout from my father to get up.

"Troy if you are not downstairs in ten minutes I am going to be late!" My father sounded grumpy and mean.

I hurried down the stairs after returning everything to its peaceful state. My mother who looked somewhat distraught seemed to relax when she saw that I was completely ready for school. Great I get to redo middle school, one of the most angst filled points in a teenager's life...

All the way to the school I worried about not knowing what classes to go to, but it seemed that was a non-issue. Everywhere I went I had a weird sense of deja-vu. A boy named Felix walked up to me and started to talk to me about the basketball practice that was supposed to be after school today. He also walked with me to my first class when the bell rang. I assumed we were friends. He was a pretty cool guy. School was boring because I already knew how to do what we were learning in just about every class.

_The years went by and I was finally seventeen again. I never got very tall for some reason and at times it was embarrassing. I was only five foot eight inches and I could no longer play basketball for the varsity team. Luckily that didn't slow the number of girls that came my way. I was on my millionth girlfriend, Jane. Every year that passed was like another blanket of snow on top of my memory of my old life. There would probably come a day when I wouldn't remember at all. One thing I had forgotten was why I had left my old life and started this one. _

There was chaos in the hallways. Apparently some new kid and his or her Doctor father and Debutante mother had moved to Forks and the kid was now going to be attending school here. These simpletons were so easily riled up. Maybe I the new kid is a hot chick. I have fished this pond thoroughly. A new pussy to bang would be nice. Hopefully she isn't as loose or easy as Tanya either. Having sex with Tanya scares me because sticking my dick in her is almost as dangerous as sticking it in snake cage. I don't know if I will lose it or keep it.

**And I end this chapter with some delightful irony. Poor Troy/Isabella doesn't know what the future holds for him. MWAHAHAHA. Peace out. **


	4. The Invisible Hand

**The last chapter was kind of boring because not a whole lot happened. It was a filler. I personally think it was still important because it filled you in on how Bella/Troy feels about what is happening to him. It also made a transition from Bella's feminine way of thinking to her/his masculine one (he is kind of an ass right now but that is of course going to change). Yes (to anyone who needs confirmation) Troy is straight, but don't freak out on me about that either. I know what I am doing. Thanks to anyone who reviewed; it makes me want to write! :P Sorry for grammatical errors I don't have a beta and I try to get my chapters in as fast as possible because I hardly ever have time to write and inspiration leaves me if I spend too long editing previous chapters when I get a feather up my buttocks and decide to write. Anyway this chapter should be way more interesting because I have reached a point where our sexy friend can finally join the story! YAY! **

**Warning: Probably should have had this in there earlier. There will be sexual content in probably every chapter from here on out. Not an outright lemon per say but mentions of genitalia. There will also be cussing because my male version of Bella is a potty mouth and Edward likes to talk dirty!  
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The day dragged by so slowly and it was even more annoying because Tanya had been jocking for my dick since the end of first period when she found out I had broken up with Jane. I had last lunch today and by the time I got to the cafeteria I was in a dark mood.

"Dude what's with the dark cloud hanging over your head today."

"Tanya," was my one word reply.

Felix found this to be absolutely insane. He lectured me on my lack of appreciation for all of the pussy that came my way. Well now I know that there is at least one guy here who hasn't fucked Tanya.

Lunch ended all too quickly and it was time for Biology. Mr. B is such a fag. I hate this class... even more now than ever because Jane is my lab partner. I don't want to deal with her crying all over me and begging for another chance. I went out with her for three months and I never got anything from her, not even a hand job! If I had known that she was a prude bitch I would have never asked her out. I thought if I waited a while that would earn me something extra good but I never got a damn thing. Three months passed of me not getting laid and jerking my stick like a thirteen year old. Hopefully I would score with one of the twins Jessica or Lauren.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a scrapping of a chair across the floor. Here we go. I rolled my eyes. Jane was obviously trying to get my attention, but it wasn't going to work. I continued to stare longingly out of the window like I had been doing. Someone cleared there throat and I turned around finally and was shocked to see that it wasn't Jane that had sat down next to me it was some guy I had never seen before. His presence made me feel threatened for some reason. Probably because the dude was something straight from one of those magazines that girls drool over. This must be the new kid everyone was freaking out about. I was hoping for a girl. Instead I got competition for the slim picking we already have.

Since I was so involved in my thoughts I didn't notice that the guy had extended his hand to me for a handshake greeting. It would probably be good to stay on this guy's good side, so I hurriedly shook his hand so I wouldn't come off as being rude.

"I'm Edward Cullen; and you are?"

"Troy Swan."

"You're the Pastor's son?"

"Yeah, that's me." I always hate being associated with my father and his profession. It's extremely embarrassing. The only thing that could amount to being as bad as having a Pastor for a father is having a cop for a father.

The lesson began and I drifted off into a daydream about having someone sucking my cock. Before too long my neglected dick was forming a tent in my not so loose pants and I was definitely uncomfortable. Suddenly I felt as though there was a hand on my knee. I could really care less in this moment whose hand it was or who was watching I just wanted the person to move it higher. The hand started to caress my knee and it was turning me on! Having my knee touched was turning me on! The absurdity of the thought brought me back to reality. I almost got whip lash from snapping my head up so quickly to catch this new kid groping me like some kind of faggot and then felt guilty when there wasn't a hand on my knee at all. Edward was actually paying attention to the lesson.

Damn I need to get laid. I am going insane. Plans of grabbing both of the twins and heading for the woods for a good old fashioned menage trois floated through my head.

Finally the last class of the day ended and I headed toward the parking lot to meet up with the twins at their car. I walked up behind one of them and whispered," Hey tits."

Usually this got a good response from the twins. They would get all wet and do whatever I told them to, but today I got a very different reaction. Lauren or Jessica (whichever one this was, I can never tell the difference) turned around and smiled tightly at me and asked me if I even knew what her real name was. I panicked for a moment and I hesitated for too long so she slapped me. Her and her sister both got in their car and drove off. I stood there shocked for a moment and then turned to head for my car. Standing next to his car smirking was Edward Fucking Cullen.

It was then that I decided that I didn't like this guy and that if I didn't get laid soon I would go insane.

**Two chapters in one day! This is new for me! Hope you enjoyed! Tune in again for more of your favorite jackass! **


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